Let's have some fun!!!!!!!!!!

             


             I thought it would be fun to start posting about all things dance.  What does that mean?  Well, there are so many different things involving dance and one of those is dance wear.  There are so many different companies that sell dance wear and so many fun styles.  I thought it would be fun to post what we have and or find in the future.  Of course I decided to use Addison for my first shoot.  I have also included some pictures of other models as well wearing the newer line.  I hope you enjoy and see things that you may want for your dancer.  The first company I am featuring is Jo and Jax mainly because that is what we have most of and we love it.
              Jo and Jax was started by two sisters, Jackie Ford and Joey Dowling.  They are dancers who were raised in Utah dancing at their mother's studio, The Dance Club.  Yes, that is where Hannah grew up dancing and now Addison.   Their business has quickly grown and they
become well known in the "dance world."  Their dance wear has been worn on shows such as So You Think You Can Dance, Dance Moms, and Dancing With The Stars.
               What I love about Jo and Jax is that they really try to think about comfort along with style.  They use thicker, breathable lycra and are always trying to bring new items to their collection.  While their prices are more than some, they are still reasonable considering the quality and uniqueness that sets them apart from other dance wear.
               Since we had some time off, Addi and I decided to go have fun around town taking some fun pictures of some of her Jo and Jax items.  She is begging me for the newer items that are out like the short jumper and the new two tone tops and bottoms and the new chevron tops.  These items can be seen @ www.joandjax.com.

Photography credit goes to Picsbymisty
                                           Misty Mathews 801-318-3333

Photography credit goes to Heidi Sobisky (pics of Addison only)

Photography credit goes to Jo and Jax
                                           joandjax.com

Addi's favorite new item is the hip hop cross over pant.  It can be worn day to day or for hip hop or as a cover up.

The Strappy Leo is flattering to the back and is darling on everyone.

Madeline knows how to rock this new two tone bra top and biker

Is it any "surprise" that Addi loves the Pro Wear bra and biker.  The bra top is reversible with bright green accent

Madeline tilting in her ruffle leggings and color block top

The "point" is that this mesh back biketard is versatile from jazz to ballet

Madison in her purple coco tie top
 and roll down shorty

Just "hip hoppin' around" in her cross over pant

Sometimes you just have to do an arabesque when the perfect bar to grab is just right there

I am a really slow learner

       

         Okay, Okay!!!! I know it has been over a month since my last post.  I have been doing a lot of contemplating, questioning, searching, and forming conclusions about my next topic.  Sometimes I felt like I was sure of what I wanted to say and other times I was not so sure.  Well, I am done thinking about it and even though I am still working on conclusions, I think I am ready to share my thoughts.
          Have you ever wondered if what activities you have your children involved in is the best thing for them?  At what point do you push your child to realize their potential and at what point do you let them make a decision to move on to something else?  If they are really good at something but they don't give it all they have do you keep pushing until they realize their potential?  When you spend insane amounts of money to keep you child in their activity that they say they love doing but aren't the best at it do you keep letting them do it?  Can you see why my brain has been spinning?
            These are all questions that have been swirling around in my crazy brain the last couple of months.  I think when you have children that have grown and left home to pursue their dreams, you start thinking about the children left at home and what it is that really matters.   I love how much Addison loves dance and that she enjoys going everyday.  I love that she is really good at dancing and that she has a passion for it.  However, she is not the top dancer at her studio and she is not the top dancer at competitions.  She does well and hangs in there and has victories here and there where she will win a scholarship at an audition or her solo places in the top ten or five.  It's not until you go to a national convention with over 1500 dancers competing for top spots that you realize just how difficult the competition is out there.  I am probably going to be looked down on for saying this next statement but it is how I feel and I want to be honest.  Sometimes I get frustrated with Addi because I know she could be so much further than she is technically if she pushed herself a little harder.  She quickly reminds me that she is moving at the pace that is comfortable for her and that I need to back off.  So the question arises, I pay a lot of money for her to dance, she and her teachers invest many, many hours in practice and rehearsal time.  As a parent that wants the best for her kids I think, with all of that money and time invested why would you go to dance everyday and give it 80% when giving it 150% would only make you that much better?  Does that sound pushy or like a crazy dance mom?  Probably.
 

         

           So on the flip side,  she is barely 12, everyone matures at different rates, maybe she will realize her potential on her own eventually.   Maybe she will grow to appreciate the amount of money, and time her teachers devote to her and all the time she spends in a positive environment.  Let's be clear that I am in no way expecting perfection for Addi or to be the absolute best dancer ever.  I am expecting her to take advantage of every opportunity and to go to class ready to give 100%.  Go with the mindset that there is always something to improve on and to set goals to get there.  Maybe I am expecting too much.  It always comes back to that same question.  Where do you draw the line between encouraging and pushing? I think it is easy for Addi and other dancers to fall into the "going through the motions" mindset when they go to class as much as they do.
              I have always told all three of my kids that the minute they complain about rehearsal, practice or performing we are done.  I do not want them to be forced into something they hate doing and I do not want the daily battle.  They have to enjoy all the hard stuff to appreciate the rewards.  They have always been carefully selective with their words in telling me that at times it is not that they don't want to go to a scheduled rehearsal or extra private but that sometimes they are so exhausted it is hard to find the energy to go.  I can totally understand that but unfortunately they have made a commitment and I have tried to teach them that it is important to follow through no matter how hard it is.  They definitely do not like me some days and there are tears shed.  I know some of you have witnessed the melt downs and I am sorry for that.
             We recently went to Las Vegas to attend The Dance Awards national convention.  There were over 1500 dancers competing for the regular competition and of those there were around 500 competing in the best dancer competition.  Addi was in the junior division and there were 120 in her division competing for best dancer.  For those that don't know this is a spot that is earned at a regional convention earlier in the year.  To be there among these 120 dancers is an honor in itself.  At nationals they learn a combination for ballet and jazz in less than an hour and audition it immediately.  Later in the day they compete a solo.  All the scores are combined to award the top 20 then the top ten and then the top three dancers in each age division.  They also attend workshop classes throughout the week where they are being watched.  I was so proud of Addison because she felt so confident after each event.  She would say, "mom I nailed it."  I loved the certainty.  Now, this is where the hard part begins.  As a parent that has been doing this for a long time I knew she wouldn't even make the top 20. I watched the other solos and dancers and I could see a maturity about them that Addi is still learning.  She is improving all the time but she just isn't there yet.  Addison was sure she would be in the top 20 and I had to find a way to break it to her that she wouldn't be without breaking her spirit.  Talk about the impossible.  This is where my above questions come into play.  I know why she isn't in the top 20.  I know what it is she needs to do to be there.  I can tell her what it is and she probably won't listen.  All she will hear is you are not good enough.  So at this point do you encourage and say " you should totally be in the top 20"  or do you say "well you need to do this or that to get there?"
              I chose to say something that I still don't know was right but I did it anyway.  I would talk to her before class and remind her that she needs to give every class her all and to not waste her time in there just kind of trying.  Make self corrections and learn something new.  Be the dancer that stands out because you fixed something the teacher told you to fix.  I told her she did amazing on her solo to which she replied, "I will totally make the top 20."  I then had to gently remind her that even though she did the best she could that there are 119 other dancers doing the best they can do and that the she may not make it in.  I told her I loved that she felt confident and that I was proud of her.  I may have over stepped my bounds with the next thing I told her.  If she wants to be in the top 20 or 10 that there are some things she needs to work on and that we should set some goals.  At this point she was upset with me and told me I was rude and that I shouldn't say that.  So I may have crushed her spirit.  I was trying to avoid high expectations being crushed when the to 20 were announced.  I wanted her to enjoy the classes and to continue to be confident no matter the outcome.  I wanted her to know that even though she wouldn't make the top 20 that she should keep trying and figure out how she can improve.
Even on my last child I am still trying to figure it all out.  I am a really slow learner!!!
              So here it is,  why do I want all that for her?  Some may say, who cares, and just let her be.  Well I think it matters when you are devoting as much time as she does and as much money as I do that she does the best she can.  I think it matters that she learns that she will always have to work hard to earn the things she is going for.  Anything just handed to her will not be appreciated.  I look at all the things Hannah is doing now as she has ventured out on her own and she is doing well because she learned that not everything comes easy and that she has to work hard to succeed.  I am not going to get into what is considered to be success.  That will be another blog for a different time.  
          While researching this topic I came across a friend's blog.  Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a well known Family Therapist.  She is often quoted in well known publications on her parenting advice.  One of her articles I came across helped me come to form a renewed view on all of this.  It was an article on parenting myths.  Myth#2 was "excellence and achievement don't equal self-worth. If a child's self-worth is based on excellent performance in a sport or activity, what happens when they break their arm, or they don't make the basketball team?  Be cautious not to gauge your value as a parent on your child's achievement or talent."  I already knew this in the back of my mind but am I reflecting this in my behavior and desire to push or encourage my kids in their talents?  I am grateful for being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because we are taught from the time we are toddlers that we are children of a loving God and that we have value and are important to the plan of salvation.  I know that my children are at the very least learning this at church.
          While I have always known that I am a bit controlling,  I know I know, a lot controlling, I am finally trying to  find a way to balance impulse with timing.  I want to know when it is the right time to speak up and when it is time to just stay quiet.  This all comes back to being a very slow learner.  I hope I didn't completely destroy my child's self esteem while in Vegas.   We had several emotional moments while there and they weren't necessarily always about dance.   This is why I feel so passionate about figuring this out.  These questions I am trying to answer can impact all aspects of raising children not just how involved we are in there activities.
           From this day forward I am pledging to keep trying to find a balance between encouragement, honesty, and involvement.  I know it will not happen overnight but if I make it public and write it down and say it out loud I think I have a better chance of making it happen.

Remember, we are all in this together.
             
 

           
             









       

           

      Okay, I know that this is totally off subject...kind of. I am reaching out to everyone to please help my son be voted into the Utah Idol Band for the Stadium of Fire on July 4th. They would get to open for Carrie Underwood!!! Amazing Right????!!!! Please excuse my shameless plug and push for Chandler and take 2 minutes to vote.  Here is the link.....      

http://www.gigg.com/w/23001

Oh and we only have a couple of days to get the votes in so let's do it!!! 

You can also go to gigg.com and just put sobisket in the search box and it will pull up his video clip.  He can play many different instruments and would be a huge asset to any band.  Thank you for your support on this and let's get him voted in. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Auditions!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! It is that time of year and dance studios have and are holding auditions for class placement.  It is usually a very tense time of year for most.  Any dance moms/dads out there will understand what it is like.  In the weeks leading up to auditions there is an obvious whisper throughout the studio of  speculation, discussions of who should make what team, concern over your own dancer and opinions from other moms.  There is even a sense of teachers becoming a little more isolated from the parents perhaps for the pure purpose of not having to answer probing questions of "what team do you think my dancer will make?" or "how do you think my dancer is doing?"  I do have to say that this year was one of few that I wasn't concerned which team my daughter Addison would end up on.  I knew she would stay on the team she was on already.  Of course I still wanted her to do well during the audition and to score high.  I think it is always important to make a good impression even if it isn't going to change your placement.  Job security!!!! Ha ha!!!  I have no idea how she did because we are not allowed to watch the auditions.  I can only hope it went well.
                       After the dust settles and the team placements are complete and we receive that all important email that tells us what team our dancer is on,  the emotions begin.  There is always some who are disappointed and then the rest are super excited.  I have been on both sides of the emotional chart.  I do have to say however that even though sometimes I have been either disappointed, or concerned or happy, I have learned to trust that the studio directors and teachers know what's best.  I haven't always agreed and yet things seem to work out.   As parents we have a certain view of our dancers and how well we think they are doing.  What I have learned is that we are not the ones in the room with the teacher when our dancer is in there and so we don't always recognize some of the technique our dancer is lacking.  Sometimes moving a dancer up before they are ready can be a disadvantage in that it will only damage their self esteem.  We all think our own dancers deserve more attention or to be on the best team and as much as we want that to be true, it isn't most of the time.  The truth of the matter is that there is a studio full of talented kids and there is always someone better than the next.  Keeping a perspective on this can help your dancer grow on whatever team she is placed on.
                        I remember when Hannah was placed on senior company, the most advanced competitive team at our studio, at the age of 14.  Generally dancers on this team are 16-18.  Hannah had the advantage and disadvantage of height and being a head taller than all the girls that were on her previous team and taller than all the girls on seniors.   Some of the comments made to me by other parents and dancers ranged anywhere from "they are only putting her on that team because of her height," or "she is going to have to earn that spot," or  "she is not ready for seniors."  You can imagine that these comments can be hurtful to a parent as well as damaging to the dancer.  I don't think they were trying to be mean, they were just expressing their opinions, however, it was still hurtful and made us both concerned that maybe she isn't ready.  I remember speaking with the studio director and asking if she maybe didn't make a mistake putting Hannah on that team.  She informed me that height had some factoring in but that she wouldn't have placed her there if she didn't think she could handle it.  Hannah and I decided to put everyone else's opinions aside and that she was going to have to work twice as hard as everyone else on the team and prove herself.  Talk about stressful.  To our surprise, this year she had on seniors ended up being one of her best.  She technically and emotionally grew leaps and bounds that year.  All the older girls that were skeptical ended up being loving and kind and Hannah loves them all still.  Hannah spent that year watching and learning and showing respect for those older and better than her.  If they were dancing 100%, she danced 200%.  If she was put on the back row, which she was every time, she did it with a smile and danced big enough for everyone to see her in the back.  I knew at that point that I needed to trust the studio and learn that they do know what they are doing.
                          On the flip side, one year Addi wasn't placed on the next level team when the majority of her team moved up.  It was devastating and I was quite upset.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.  I finally talked to a few teachers and they pointed out to me that her focus and maturity were not at the level of the other girls and that she needed to work on that.  Sadly, I understood and began to accept the team placement and hope and pray that she would improve.  Well about 3 weeks later, much to my surprise,  they ended up moving her up anyway.  What a surprise! Downfall....... we were once again in the position of having to prove ourselves.  This was a bit harder for Addi to do at 7 than it was for Hannah at 14 and understandably so.  Addi had other issues that stood in the way.  This is the year we had her diagnosed with ADHD.  I fought it for so long because I didn't want her labeled and it was one more thing to deal with.  I wish I had taken her in sooner because once we got help for her, her self esteem started improving as well as her focus.
                         I am slightly ashamed to say that I am one of those dance moms that puts her dancers in private ballet and extra classes beyond their regularly scheduled classes.  Why you ask?  Well I just have seen the benefit it adds to their training.  It is like when your dancer does a solo.  That one on one time is invaluable and they learn so much with that personal time they get.  Addi definitely needs that one on one time to practice focusing.  I have seen her improve and mature exponentially because of the privates.  The dance mom in me thinks that if I am paying the amount I pay, and Addi is putting in the time she is putting in, then I want her to be able to be her absolute best.  Not better than everyone, just HER best.  Some may say I am crazy, I think of it as opportunity.  Whatever your thought or opinion, do what is best for your dancer.
                         I know how hard it is to have your child disappointed because they didn't make the team they want or get an audition they so desperately wanted to get.  I know that I am probably more disappointed for them than they are for themselves.  I also know that it just plain stinks to not get something you have worked hard to get.  I don't know what advice to offer other than, validate and commiserate with your dancer that this just plain stinks, let her have her moment of sadness, tell her how proud you are of her and then talk about what you can do to reach her goal next time.  Setting a plan in place always makes me feel better because it puts me in the mode of being proactive and not self pitying.  I am not always good at this in other areas of my life, but I am trying.  This is one of those moments when teaching your dancer to be happy for her teammates even though she is sad can be practiced.  What a challenge?!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
                       I wish everyone the best and remember, we are all in this together.

Please enjoy the attached video of The Dance Club company doing a production number choreographed by Joey Dowling and National Critics Choice winner.  It is an older video but the only one I could get downloaded.  You have to right click on it and select play in youtube.

After the pillow concert at Timpview

So I know that this is a blog about dance and being a dance mom, however, I really want to post about Chandler's Jazz band Pillow Concert at Timpview.  I think that there are a lot of similarities to having a child involved in music or sports or other activities that include competition, practice, other parents, and teachers.  Chandler had to audition for a lot of the pieces he played in throughout his high school career.  He had to audition for marching band, fall band, jazz band, pep band, a cappella choir, and symphonic band.  In some cases he had to audition to play in specific pieces.  Sometimes he would get into the piece he wanted and sometimes he wouldn't.  Chandler has learned a lot of the same lessons from music that my girls have from dance.  He has had to learn to work with different personalities, learn many different instruments, work with different teachers, practice practice practice, and compete at different events.  There were just as many ups and downs with his music as there were with my girls and their dancing.  That being said I learned a little something myself the other night.

                    I have to say the biggest surprise to me at the Pillow Concert was just how much Chandler has grown musically over the years.  I knew he was talented and could play several different instruments that he pretty much taught himself to play.  I would hear occasional practicing up in his room, usually late at night when we are all trying to sleep, but I would rarely get to hear everything he practices all put together.  When I would ask him to play me songs he would just grumble at me like "really mom?"  It brought tears to my eyes to see him show everything he has learned and how mature his playing has become.  I remember the squeaky clarinet he played in elementary, the choppy guitar plucking during his lessons, and how nervous he would get before playing.  At the concert a mature young man performed with confidence, professionalism, and pure enjoyment with every song.  Now he still has a lot of growing up to do but I saw the progress and I could see a little of what's to come in the future and I am loving it. So I just had to brag a little bit in his behalf because I am truly proud of him and all he has accomplished.  As a mom I wonder if what I am teaching my kids is getting through and if they will ever be able to take care of themselves.  Sometimes they do things that make me think I have really messed this all up and then moments like this concert happen and I see a glimpse of the child becoming an adult.  I saw him take control of situations, perform without problems, and relate to others around him a way that would make any mother proud.   

                       I have attached 3 of the videos below.  Please take a minute to watch because I promise you will enjoy.  You can click on the links below and it should bring up an option to play in youtube.

                       I would like to take a moment to pay credit to the amazing teachers he has had, Dr. Fullmer, Mr. Herald and Brady Bills, and Mr. Larsen.  Chandler was also surrounded by many other amazingly talented students and friends that motivated him to improve and be the best he could be.  Thank you to all who helped him along the way and to his awesome friends that motivated him through their talents and friendships.

20140514 201049

20140514 194049

20140514 202634

         This has been a week of reflection.   Anytime we lose a loved one from this life it is natural to start thinking about our own lives and how we are doing.  With the passing of Lisa Stoddard I really started thinking about the kind of person I am.  I have said this numerous times and I will say it again, Lisa was the kind of teacher and person that made everyone she came into contact with feel like they were her favorite.  As a dance teacher she taught my girls confidence, love, mad improving skills, and how to enjoy the art of dance.   After attending her viewing, funeral, and The Dance Club spring concert over the last 4 days I took some time to reflect on everything I observed.  The first thing I noticed was her family and their incredible strength.   All four of her children stood strong during every event.  While tears had been apparent on their faces,

Rachel, Crystal, Hannah, Kayla, Alexia after Lisa's viewing

they wore smiles.  They could smile because they knew they had an amazing mother that loved them and raised them well.  They could smile because they have an awesome dad that is standing strong and loves them.  Most importantly they could smile because they know that someday they will be reunited with their dear mother and wife.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) we believe that Jesus Christ died for us so that we can be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father as eternal families.  He suffered for all of our sins so we could have the Atonement.  The Atonement allows us to repent for our mistakes and live and work as families on this earth so we can be eternal families in the hereafter.  What a comfort that is to know we will be with our loved ones for eternity.  The knowledge of this doctrine is what can help families to love, support and never give up on one another.

Dancers from The Dance Club at Lisa's funeral

I know to some dance may not seem that important or that it shouldn't have the attention it receives.  However, when I looked around the chapel at the funeral, the entire place was full wall to wall and standing room only.  Lisa had an opportunity through dance, to positively affect the lives of all these people. People she taught at BYU, The Dance Club, UVU, ALA and any other places I am unaware of came to pay tribute to Lisa.   We were able to honor Lisa through dance with an improv number at The Dance Club spring concert on Tuesday, May 6th 2014.  Current senior company girls and past senior company girls performed an improv number with Lisa's oldest daughter TaeLor that tugged at the heart strings of everyone in attendance.  What an awesome tribute to a lady so deserving.

Hannah and Addi after the concert

            I think about everyone that my girls have been blessed to be around because of dance.  I think about the experiences they have had because of dance.  I think about what they have learned because of dance.  If I had it to do all over again I would.  It isn't always easy and there are definitely challenges but when I stop to reflect about everything, I think it must be worth it.  This is such a great analogy for our lives.  I have eluded before in other posts that this has been an extremely challenging year for me and my family.  We are definitely being tested right now.  I don't know that I am handling things all that well but what I do know is that I have had the love and support of family and friends.  I know that when I am faced with reflecting on a loved one like Lisa and her family I stop to take inventory of my life and behavior and try to learn from others how to be strong.  I have what my mother always calls, either "brave days" or "non-brave days".  I seem to be having more "non-brave days" than "brave" ones.  I am still working on changing my attitude about my challenges right now and this is where the analogy comes in.
            These dancers are constantly going to class and rehearsal where they learn how to be better dancers.  They are tested with technique, new dances, competitions, relationships, different teaching styles, different styles of dance and a laundry list of many other challenges.  Sometimes their skills improve and things seem to be going well.  Other times they hit a plateau and things don't seem to come so easy to them.  Sometimes they win competitions and many times they don't.  Sometimes they seem to be loving everything they are learning and other

Addi and Carly after the concert

times they struggle and don't like it as much.  In our lives we are faced with learning about relationships, education, work, jobs, charity, survival, family, etc..... Sometimes we will be tested and fail and other times we will be successful in our challenges.  The dancers keep going because they know in the end it is all worth it.  They know that beyond all the challenges they are learning something and it will have a profound influence in their lives forever.  In our lives we have to remember it is all worth it because in the end, if we endure with faith,  we have a beautiful reward waiting for us.  We can have eternal families.
           I haven't been doing so great with the faith part of handling my challenges.  In my entire life I don't ever remember struggling with faith like I am now.  I do however know that I am not giving up and I will always jump back into the dance studio of life and keep trying to improve.
Remember we are all in this together.

Happy Sunday everyone,
                             I was blessed to be able to have Hannah home over the Easter break.  We had so much fun having our family back together again.  While she was home we stirred up a little nostalgia and decided to watch some old dance videos.  WoW!!!! There should be a disclaimer when doing this that says, "watch at your own risk, emotions may surface and cause serious crying and emotional distress."  At any rate, we basked in the glory that once was and enjoyed watching, reminiscing, crying, laughing and loving each and every dance we watched.  One of the dances in particular made Hannah just well up with tears.  The dance was "These Hands" choreographed by Jackie Ford for the graduating seniors.  These girls had danced together for more than 12 years and have been through so many ups and downs, joy and sorrow, and became like sisters.  I am going to post it on this blog and what I would love everyone to think about is that this was a culmination of a long journey that has ended differently for each of these girls.  In fact, they have all embarked on new journeys that they are able to take because of what they learned together.  Remember to enjoy the journey and take every moment to heart.  Whether there is laughter or tears, learn from each moment.  You can even look back on the hard moments and laugh and shake your head and say, "Wow, I learned so much from this."  Even now with Addison and Chandler I still have to shake my head at myself and remember that it is all part of the journey.  So with that, I hope you enjoy this video as much as I do. Remember, we are all in this together.

Just click on the link to enjoy:    http://youtu.be/2hfrFCfHxlk