Let's have some fun!!!!!!!!!!

             


             I thought it would be fun to start posting about all things dance.  What does that mean?  Well, there are so many different things involving dance and one of those is dance wear.  There are so many different companies that sell dance wear and so many fun styles.  I thought it would be fun to post what we have and or find in the future.  Of course I decided to use Addison for my first shoot.  I have also included some pictures of other models as well wearing the newer line.  I hope you enjoy and see things that you may want for your dancer.  The first company I am featuring is Jo and Jax mainly because that is what we have most of and we love it.
              Jo and Jax was started by two sisters, Jackie Ford and Joey Dowling.  They are dancers who were raised in Utah dancing at their mother's studio, The Dance Club.  Yes, that is where Hannah grew up dancing and now Addison.   Their business has quickly grown and they
become well known in the "dance world."  Their dance wear has been worn on shows such as So You Think You Can Dance, Dance Moms, and Dancing With The Stars.
               What I love about Jo and Jax is that they really try to think about comfort along with style.  They use thicker, breathable lycra and are always trying to bring new items to their collection.  While their prices are more than some, they are still reasonable considering the quality and uniqueness that sets them apart from other dance wear.
               Since we had some time off, Addi and I decided to go have fun around town taking some fun pictures of some of her Jo and Jax items.  She is begging me for the newer items that are out like the short jumper and the new two tone tops and bottoms and the new chevron tops.  These items can be seen @ www.joandjax.com.

Photography credit goes to Picsbymisty
                                           Misty Mathews 801-318-3333

Photography credit goes to Heidi Sobisky (pics of Addison only)

Photography credit goes to Jo and Jax
                                           joandjax.com

Addi's favorite new item is the hip hop cross over pant.  It can be worn day to day or for hip hop or as a cover up.

The Strappy Leo is flattering to the back and is darling on everyone.

Madeline knows how to rock this new two tone bra top and biker

Is it any "surprise" that Addi loves the Pro Wear bra and biker.  The bra top is reversible with bright green accent

Madeline tilting in her ruffle leggings and color block top

The "point" is that this mesh back biketard is versatile from jazz to ballet

Madison in her purple coco tie top
 and roll down shorty

Just "hip hoppin' around" in her cross over pant

Sometimes you just have to do an arabesque when the perfect bar to grab is just right there

I am a really slow learner

       

         Okay, Okay!!!! I know it has been over a month since my last post.  I have been doing a lot of contemplating, questioning, searching, and forming conclusions about my next topic.  Sometimes I felt like I was sure of what I wanted to say and other times I was not so sure.  Well, I am done thinking about it and even though I am still working on conclusions, I think I am ready to share my thoughts.
          Have you ever wondered if what activities you have your children involved in is the best thing for them?  At what point do you push your child to realize their potential and at what point do you let them make a decision to move on to something else?  If they are really good at something but they don't give it all they have do you keep pushing until they realize their potential?  When you spend insane amounts of money to keep you child in their activity that they say they love doing but aren't the best at it do you keep letting them do it?  Can you see why my brain has been spinning?
            These are all questions that have been swirling around in my crazy brain the last couple of months.  I think when you have children that have grown and left home to pursue their dreams, you start thinking about the children left at home and what it is that really matters.   I love how much Addison loves dance and that she enjoys going everyday.  I love that she is really good at dancing and that she has a passion for it.  However, she is not the top dancer at her studio and she is not the top dancer at competitions.  She does well and hangs in there and has victories here and there where she will win a scholarship at an audition or her solo places in the top ten or five.  It's not until you go to a national convention with over 1500 dancers competing for top spots that you realize just how difficult the competition is out there.  I am probably going to be looked down on for saying this next statement but it is how I feel and I want to be honest.  Sometimes I get frustrated with Addi because I know she could be so much further than she is technically if she pushed herself a little harder.  She quickly reminds me that she is moving at the pace that is comfortable for her and that I need to back off.  So the question arises, I pay a lot of money for her to dance, she and her teachers invest many, many hours in practice and rehearsal time.  As a parent that wants the best for her kids I think, with all of that money and time invested why would you go to dance everyday and give it 80% when giving it 150% would only make you that much better?  Does that sound pushy or like a crazy dance mom?  Probably.
 

         

           So on the flip side,  she is barely 12, everyone matures at different rates, maybe she will realize her potential on her own eventually.   Maybe she will grow to appreciate the amount of money, and time her teachers devote to her and all the time she spends in a positive environment.  Let's be clear that I am in no way expecting perfection for Addi or to be the absolute best dancer ever.  I am expecting her to take advantage of every opportunity and to go to class ready to give 100%.  Go with the mindset that there is always something to improve on and to set goals to get there.  Maybe I am expecting too much.  It always comes back to that same question.  Where do you draw the line between encouraging and pushing? I think it is easy for Addi and other dancers to fall into the "going through the motions" mindset when they go to class as much as they do.
              I have always told all three of my kids that the minute they complain about rehearsal, practice or performing we are done.  I do not want them to be forced into something they hate doing and I do not want the daily battle.  They have to enjoy all the hard stuff to appreciate the rewards.  They have always been carefully selective with their words in telling me that at times it is not that they don't want to go to a scheduled rehearsal or extra private but that sometimes they are so exhausted it is hard to find the energy to go.  I can totally understand that but unfortunately they have made a commitment and I have tried to teach them that it is important to follow through no matter how hard it is.  They definitely do not like me some days and there are tears shed.  I know some of you have witnessed the melt downs and I am sorry for that.
             We recently went to Las Vegas to attend The Dance Awards national convention.  There were over 1500 dancers competing for the regular competition and of those there were around 500 competing in the best dancer competition.  Addi was in the junior division and there were 120 in her division competing for best dancer.  For those that don't know this is a spot that is earned at a regional convention earlier in the year.  To be there among these 120 dancers is an honor in itself.  At nationals they learn a combination for ballet and jazz in less than an hour and audition it immediately.  Later in the day they compete a solo.  All the scores are combined to award the top 20 then the top ten and then the top three dancers in each age division.  They also attend workshop classes throughout the week where they are being watched.  I was so proud of Addison because she felt so confident after each event.  She would say, "mom I nailed it."  I loved the certainty.  Now, this is where the hard part begins.  As a parent that has been doing this for a long time I knew she wouldn't even make the top 20. I watched the other solos and dancers and I could see a maturity about them that Addi is still learning.  She is improving all the time but she just isn't there yet.  Addison was sure she would be in the top 20 and I had to find a way to break it to her that she wouldn't be without breaking her spirit.  Talk about the impossible.  This is where my above questions come into play.  I know why she isn't in the top 20.  I know what it is she needs to do to be there.  I can tell her what it is and she probably won't listen.  All she will hear is you are not good enough.  So at this point do you encourage and say " you should totally be in the top 20"  or do you say "well you need to do this or that to get there?"
              I chose to say something that I still don't know was right but I did it anyway.  I would talk to her before class and remind her that she needs to give every class her all and to not waste her time in there just kind of trying.  Make self corrections and learn something new.  Be the dancer that stands out because you fixed something the teacher told you to fix.  I told her she did amazing on her solo to which she replied, "I will totally make the top 20."  I then had to gently remind her that even though she did the best she could that there are 119 other dancers doing the best they can do and that the she may not make it in.  I told her I loved that she felt confident and that I was proud of her.  I may have over stepped my bounds with the next thing I told her.  If she wants to be in the top 20 or 10 that there are some things she needs to work on and that we should set some goals.  At this point she was upset with me and told me I was rude and that I shouldn't say that.  So I may have crushed her spirit.  I was trying to avoid high expectations being crushed when the to 20 were announced.  I wanted her to enjoy the classes and to continue to be confident no matter the outcome.  I wanted her to know that even though she wouldn't make the top 20 that she should keep trying and figure out how she can improve.
Even on my last child I am still trying to figure it all out.  I am a really slow learner!!!
              So here it is,  why do I want all that for her?  Some may say, who cares, and just let her be.  Well I think it matters when you are devoting as much time as she does and as much money as I do that she does the best she can.  I think it matters that she learns that she will always have to work hard to earn the things she is going for.  Anything just handed to her will not be appreciated.  I look at all the things Hannah is doing now as she has ventured out on her own and she is doing well because she learned that not everything comes easy and that she has to work hard to succeed.  I am not going to get into what is considered to be success.  That will be another blog for a different time.  
          While researching this topic I came across a friend's blog.  Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a well known Family Therapist.  She is often quoted in well known publications on her parenting advice.  One of her articles I came across helped me come to form a renewed view on all of this.  It was an article on parenting myths.  Myth#2 was "excellence and achievement don't equal self-worth. If a child's self-worth is based on excellent performance in a sport or activity, what happens when they break their arm, or they don't make the basketball team?  Be cautious not to gauge your value as a parent on your child's achievement or talent."  I already knew this in the back of my mind but am I reflecting this in my behavior and desire to push or encourage my kids in their talents?  I am grateful for being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because we are taught from the time we are toddlers that we are children of a loving God and that we have value and are important to the plan of salvation.  I know that my children are at the very least learning this at church.
          While I have always known that I am a bit controlling,  I know I know, a lot controlling, I am finally trying to  find a way to balance impulse with timing.  I want to know when it is the right time to speak up and when it is time to just stay quiet.  This all comes back to being a very slow learner.  I hope I didn't completely destroy my child's self esteem while in Vegas.   We had several emotional moments while there and they weren't necessarily always about dance.   This is why I feel so passionate about figuring this out.  These questions I am trying to answer can impact all aspects of raising children not just how involved we are in there activities.
           From this day forward I am pledging to keep trying to find a balance between encouragement, honesty, and involvement.  I know it will not happen overnight but if I make it public and write it down and say it out loud I think I have a better chance of making it happen.

Remember, we are all in this together.
             
 

           
             









       

           

      Okay, I know that this is totally off subject...kind of. I am reaching out to everyone to please help my son be voted into the Utah Idol Band for the Stadium of Fire on July 4th. They would get to open for Carrie Underwood!!! Amazing Right????!!!! Please excuse my shameless plug and push for Chandler and take 2 minutes to vote.  Here is the link.....      

http://www.gigg.com/w/23001

Oh and we only have a couple of days to get the votes in so let's do it!!! 

You can also go to gigg.com and just put sobisket in the search box and it will pull up his video clip.  He can play many different instruments and would be a huge asset to any band.  Thank you for your support on this and let's get him voted in. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Auditions!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! It is that time of year and dance studios have and are holding auditions for class placement.  It is usually a very tense time of year for most.  Any dance moms/dads out there will understand what it is like.  In the weeks leading up to auditions there is an obvious whisper throughout the studio of  speculation, discussions of who should make what team, concern over your own dancer and opinions from other moms.  There is even a sense of teachers becoming a little more isolated from the parents perhaps for the pure purpose of not having to answer probing questions of "what team do you think my dancer will make?" or "how do you think my dancer is doing?"  I do have to say that this year was one of few that I wasn't concerned which team my daughter Addison would end up on.  I knew she would stay on the team she was on already.  Of course I still wanted her to do well during the audition and to score high.  I think it is always important to make a good impression even if it isn't going to change your placement.  Job security!!!! Ha ha!!!  I have no idea how she did because we are not allowed to watch the auditions.  I can only hope it went well.
                       After the dust settles and the team placements are complete and we receive that all important email that tells us what team our dancer is on,  the emotions begin.  There is always some who are disappointed and then the rest are super excited.  I have been on both sides of the emotional chart.  I do have to say however that even though sometimes I have been either disappointed, or concerned or happy, I have learned to trust that the studio directors and teachers know what's best.  I haven't always agreed and yet things seem to work out.   As parents we have a certain view of our dancers and how well we think they are doing.  What I have learned is that we are not the ones in the room with the teacher when our dancer is in there and so we don't always recognize some of the technique our dancer is lacking.  Sometimes moving a dancer up before they are ready can be a disadvantage in that it will only damage their self esteem.  We all think our own dancers deserve more attention or to be on the best team and as much as we want that to be true, it isn't most of the time.  The truth of the matter is that there is a studio full of talented kids and there is always someone better than the next.  Keeping a perspective on this can help your dancer grow on whatever team she is placed on.
                        I remember when Hannah was placed on senior company, the most advanced competitive team at our studio, at the age of 14.  Generally dancers on this team are 16-18.  Hannah had the advantage and disadvantage of height and being a head taller than all the girls that were on her previous team and taller than all the girls on seniors.   Some of the comments made to me by other parents and dancers ranged anywhere from "they are only putting her on that team because of her height," or "she is going to have to earn that spot," or  "she is not ready for seniors."  You can imagine that these comments can be hurtful to a parent as well as damaging to the dancer.  I don't think they were trying to be mean, they were just expressing their opinions, however, it was still hurtful and made us both concerned that maybe she isn't ready.  I remember speaking with the studio director and asking if she maybe didn't make a mistake putting Hannah on that team.  She informed me that height had some factoring in but that she wouldn't have placed her there if she didn't think she could handle it.  Hannah and I decided to put everyone else's opinions aside and that she was going to have to work twice as hard as everyone else on the team and prove herself.  Talk about stressful.  To our surprise, this year she had on seniors ended up being one of her best.  She technically and emotionally grew leaps and bounds that year.  All the older girls that were skeptical ended up being loving and kind and Hannah loves them all still.  Hannah spent that year watching and learning and showing respect for those older and better than her.  If they were dancing 100%, she danced 200%.  If she was put on the back row, which she was every time, she did it with a smile and danced big enough for everyone to see her in the back.  I knew at that point that I needed to trust the studio and learn that they do know what they are doing.
                          On the flip side, one year Addi wasn't placed on the next level team when the majority of her team moved up.  It was devastating and I was quite upset.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.  I finally talked to a few teachers and they pointed out to me that her focus and maturity were not at the level of the other girls and that she needed to work on that.  Sadly, I understood and began to accept the team placement and hope and pray that she would improve.  Well about 3 weeks later, much to my surprise,  they ended up moving her up anyway.  What a surprise! Downfall....... we were once again in the position of having to prove ourselves.  This was a bit harder for Addi to do at 7 than it was for Hannah at 14 and understandably so.  Addi had other issues that stood in the way.  This is the year we had her diagnosed with ADHD.  I fought it for so long because I didn't want her labeled and it was one more thing to deal with.  I wish I had taken her in sooner because once we got help for her, her self esteem started improving as well as her focus.
                         I am slightly ashamed to say that I am one of those dance moms that puts her dancers in private ballet and extra classes beyond their regularly scheduled classes.  Why you ask?  Well I just have seen the benefit it adds to their training.  It is like when your dancer does a solo.  That one on one time is invaluable and they learn so much with that personal time they get.  Addi definitely needs that one on one time to practice focusing.  I have seen her improve and mature exponentially because of the privates.  The dance mom in me thinks that if I am paying the amount I pay, and Addi is putting in the time she is putting in, then I want her to be able to be her absolute best.  Not better than everyone, just HER best.  Some may say I am crazy, I think of it as opportunity.  Whatever your thought or opinion, do what is best for your dancer.
                         I know how hard it is to have your child disappointed because they didn't make the team they want or get an audition they so desperately wanted to get.  I know that I am probably more disappointed for them than they are for themselves.  I also know that it just plain stinks to not get something you have worked hard to get.  I don't know what advice to offer other than, validate and commiserate with your dancer that this just plain stinks, let her have her moment of sadness, tell her how proud you are of her and then talk about what you can do to reach her goal next time.  Setting a plan in place always makes me feel better because it puts me in the mode of being proactive and not self pitying.  I am not always good at this in other areas of my life, but I am trying.  This is one of those moments when teaching your dancer to be happy for her teammates even though she is sad can be practiced.  What a challenge?!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
                       I wish everyone the best and remember, we are all in this together.

Please enjoy the attached video of The Dance Club company doing a production number choreographed by Joey Dowling and National Critics Choice winner.  It is an older video but the only one I could get downloaded.  You have to right click on it and select play in youtube.

After the pillow concert at Timpview

So I know that this is a blog about dance and being a dance mom, however, I really want to post about Chandler's Jazz band Pillow Concert at Timpview.  I think that there are a lot of similarities to having a child involved in music or sports or other activities that include competition, practice, other parents, and teachers.  Chandler had to audition for a lot of the pieces he played in throughout his high school career.  He had to audition for marching band, fall band, jazz band, pep band, a cappella choir, and symphonic band.  In some cases he had to audition to play in specific pieces.  Sometimes he would get into the piece he wanted and sometimes he wouldn't.  Chandler has learned a lot of the same lessons from music that my girls have from dance.  He has had to learn to work with different personalities, learn many different instruments, work with different teachers, practice practice practice, and compete at different events.  There were just as many ups and downs with his music as there were with my girls and their dancing.  That being said I learned a little something myself the other night.

                    I have to say the biggest surprise to me at the Pillow Concert was just how much Chandler has grown musically over the years.  I knew he was talented and could play several different instruments that he pretty much taught himself to play.  I would hear occasional practicing up in his room, usually late at night when we are all trying to sleep, but I would rarely get to hear everything he practices all put together.  When I would ask him to play me songs he would just grumble at me like "really mom?"  It brought tears to my eyes to see him show everything he has learned and how mature his playing has become.  I remember the squeaky clarinet he played in elementary, the choppy guitar plucking during his lessons, and how nervous he would get before playing.  At the concert a mature young man performed with confidence, professionalism, and pure enjoyment with every song.  Now he still has a lot of growing up to do but I saw the progress and I could see a little of what's to come in the future and I am loving it. So I just had to brag a little bit in his behalf because I am truly proud of him and all he has accomplished.  As a mom I wonder if what I am teaching my kids is getting through and if they will ever be able to take care of themselves.  Sometimes they do things that make me think I have really messed this all up and then moments like this concert happen and I see a glimpse of the child becoming an adult.  I saw him take control of situations, perform without problems, and relate to others around him a way that would make any mother proud.   

                       I have attached 3 of the videos below.  Please take a minute to watch because I promise you will enjoy.  You can click on the links below and it should bring up an option to play in youtube.

                       I would like to take a moment to pay credit to the amazing teachers he has had, Dr. Fullmer, Mr. Herald and Brady Bills, and Mr. Larsen.  Chandler was also surrounded by many other amazingly talented students and friends that motivated him to improve and be the best he could be.  Thank you to all who helped him along the way and to his awesome friends that motivated him through their talents and friendships.

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         This has been a week of reflection.   Anytime we lose a loved one from this life it is natural to start thinking about our own lives and how we are doing.  With the passing of Lisa Stoddard I really started thinking about the kind of person I am.  I have said this numerous times and I will say it again, Lisa was the kind of teacher and person that made everyone she came into contact with feel like they were her favorite.  As a dance teacher she taught my girls confidence, love, mad improving skills, and how to enjoy the art of dance.   After attending her viewing, funeral, and The Dance Club spring concert over the last 4 days I took some time to reflect on everything I observed.  The first thing I noticed was her family and their incredible strength.   All four of her children stood strong during every event.  While tears had been apparent on their faces,

Rachel, Crystal, Hannah, Kayla, Alexia after Lisa's viewing

they wore smiles.  They could smile because they knew they had an amazing mother that loved them and raised them well.  They could smile because they have an awesome dad that is standing strong and loves them.  Most importantly they could smile because they know that someday they will be reunited with their dear mother and wife.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) we believe that Jesus Christ died for us so that we can be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father as eternal families.  He suffered for all of our sins so we could have the Atonement.  The Atonement allows us to repent for our mistakes and live and work as families on this earth so we can be eternal families in the hereafter.  What a comfort that is to know we will be with our loved ones for eternity.  The knowledge of this doctrine is what can help families to love, support and never give up on one another.

Dancers from The Dance Club at Lisa's funeral

I know to some dance may not seem that important or that it shouldn't have the attention it receives.  However, when I looked around the chapel at the funeral, the entire place was full wall to wall and standing room only.  Lisa had an opportunity through dance, to positively affect the lives of all these people. People she taught at BYU, The Dance Club, UVU, ALA and any other places I am unaware of came to pay tribute to Lisa.   We were able to honor Lisa through dance with an improv number at The Dance Club spring concert on Tuesday, May 6th 2014.  Current senior company girls and past senior company girls performed an improv number with Lisa's oldest daughter TaeLor that tugged at the heart strings of everyone in attendance.  What an awesome tribute to a lady so deserving.

Hannah and Addi after the concert

            I think about everyone that my girls have been blessed to be around because of dance.  I think about the experiences they have had because of dance.  I think about what they have learned because of dance.  If I had it to do all over again I would.  It isn't always easy and there are definitely challenges but when I stop to reflect about everything, I think it must be worth it.  This is such a great analogy for our lives.  I have eluded before in other posts that this has been an extremely challenging year for me and my family.  We are definitely being tested right now.  I don't know that I am handling things all that well but what I do know is that I have had the love and support of family and friends.  I know that when I am faced with reflecting on a loved one like Lisa and her family I stop to take inventory of my life and behavior and try to learn from others how to be strong.  I have what my mother always calls, either "brave days" or "non-brave days".  I seem to be having more "non-brave days" than "brave" ones.  I am still working on changing my attitude about my challenges right now and this is where the analogy comes in.
            These dancers are constantly going to class and rehearsal where they learn how to be better dancers.  They are tested with technique, new dances, competitions, relationships, different teaching styles, different styles of dance and a laundry list of many other challenges.  Sometimes their skills improve and things seem to be going well.  Other times they hit a plateau and things don't seem to come so easy to them.  Sometimes they win competitions and many times they don't.  Sometimes they seem to be loving everything they are learning and other

Addi and Carly after the concert

times they struggle and don't like it as much.  In our lives we are faced with learning about relationships, education, work, jobs, charity, survival, family, etc..... Sometimes we will be tested and fail and other times we will be successful in our challenges.  The dancers keep going because they know in the end it is all worth it.  They know that beyond all the challenges they are learning something and it will have a profound influence in their lives forever.  In our lives we have to remember it is all worth it because in the end, if we endure with faith,  we have a beautiful reward waiting for us.  We can have eternal families.
           I haven't been doing so great with the faith part of handling my challenges.  In my entire life I don't ever remember struggling with faith like I am now.  I do however know that I am not giving up and I will always jump back into the dance studio of life and keep trying to improve.
Remember we are all in this together.

Happy Sunday everyone,
                             I was blessed to be able to have Hannah home over the Easter break.  We had so much fun having our family back together again.  While she was home we stirred up a little nostalgia and decided to watch some old dance videos.  WoW!!!! There should be a disclaimer when doing this that says, "watch at your own risk, emotions may surface and cause serious crying and emotional distress."  At any rate, we basked in the glory that once was and enjoyed watching, reminiscing, crying, laughing and loving each and every dance we watched.  One of the dances in particular made Hannah just well up with tears.  The dance was "These Hands" choreographed by Jackie Ford for the graduating seniors.  These girls had danced together for more than 12 years and have been through so many ups and downs, joy and sorrow, and became like sisters.  I am going to post it on this blog and what I would love everyone to think about is that this was a culmination of a long journey that has ended differently for each of these girls.  In fact, they have all embarked on new journeys that they are able to take because of what they learned together.  Remember to enjoy the journey and take every moment to heart.  Whether there is laughter or tears, learn from each moment.  You can even look back on the hard moments and laugh and shake your head and say, "Wow, I learned so much from this."  Even now with Addison and Chandler I still have to shake my head at myself and remember that it is all part of the journey.  So with that, I hope you enjoy this video as much as I do. Remember, we are all in this together.

Just click on the link to enjoy:    http://youtu.be/2hfrFCfHxlk

           I am so sorry.... I have been MIA the last two weeks.  Things have been a little nutty around my household so I had to put the blog aside for a little while.  I have been thinking a lot about some things that may be of interest to all you readers out there.  I thought I would take a minute to do a blog on gratitude.
            I have been doing a lot of soul searching, praying, pondering about life, kids, family, etc....  It is a difficult road to go down when you start thinking so hard about things.  I have come to realize that I don't always like looking back on life experiences, or soul searching about things I can improve on.   I have way too much to work on.  Let's just save all that for another blog.  However, through all this thinking there has always been one constant in every situation.  I have an abundance of  support from friends and family in every aspect of my life.  I have been blessed to have parents, siblings, in-laws, cousins, aunts, and uncles that all support my kids in all that they do.  I am in awe of the amount of love and interest they have in my life and my kids life.  One way they show interest is by showing up to any dance competitions, concerts, show cases they can.  If they can't make it they are sure to ask how it went.  I have received financial support as well.  We all know that dance and any other kids activities can cost exuberant amounts of money.  I am so blessed that I have been able to keep my kids involved in their activities due to the financial support.  I know I am not the only one who feels this way.  That being said, I would love to hear from any of you about a time or many times when you have felt gratitude for the support you received for your kids and the dreams they are following.  It doesn't just have to be about dance. I know many of you have kids involved in activities other than dance.  Please Please Please share.  I know others would love to hear your stories.

Remember, we are all in this together.

Have you ever??????

             Have you ever questioned all that we do and sacrifice as parents for our dancers?  Do you ever start to feel insecure about all of the cost, time, sacrifice of time from other family members, etc... Sometimes I feel like this is the best thing for my daughters and then sometimes I feel like, "what the heck am I doing all this for?"  I actually have been feeling extra insecure lately for different reasons that are too personal for me to share at this time.  I shared with another dance mom the inner conflict that I have from day to day and told her I feel like I must be crazy.  She shared that she has felt the same way at times.  Not only did I secretly enjoy that someone else felt the way I did, I started thinking all day today that there must be more moms that feel this way at one time or another.
                I know that there are so many valuable lessons that these dancers learn and that the journey should only be about your dancer and her individual progress and growth.   The only problem is that I am not perfect.   I realized that every time I start feeling insecure about my dancer's progress and wether or not all the money, time and sacrifice is worth it, it is because I start comparing her to other dancers.  I hate to admit that I do this because it sounds so wrong.  Playing the comparison game is dangerous.  I have learned first hand that it is only damaging and hurtful if we are not careful.  I also hate admitting that I have had to learn this the hard way.
               Since I have been going over all of these thoughts and feelings in my head  I want to share what we did this last weekend because I think it is important to this topic.  As a lot of you know, my oldest daughter/dancer Hannah is the lead dancer/character of a  motorcycle stunt show.  I know it sounds different and it is just that.  Although this ended up being more acting than dancing, much to Hannah's dismay, it has been an amazing learning experience for her.  Anyway, she had a performance in San Jose this last weekend.  We decided we were going to make the extremely long 13 1/2 hour drive there on a Friday, spend the day with Hannah on Saturday, watch the show Saturday night only to turn around on Sunday morning to come home and endure that painfully long drive again.  My brother and his family came from southern California as well.  Is it worth it?  When we walked into the backstage/vip area for the meet and greet that the riders, dancers, acrobats, and Shoalin warriors do for people attending the show, her face lit up.  We stood back and watched people walk up to her and almost get tongue tied to ask to take a photo with her, or tell her how beautiful she is or how much they love the show.  With every person that approached her, she looked over to see if we were watching.  Her face lit up every time and I could see the excitement exuding from her and my pride could not have been more obvious than a .  My 19 year old daughter has traveled for 12 weekends with this show and has 3 more to go and she is doing amazing.  So let me ask again, is it worth it? YES!!!!!!!!! It was worth the 26 plus hour drive and money it took to get there just to spend one day with Hannah and see the smile on her face and watch her perform.

                 I think it is normal to feel insecure and question what we are doing.  I think it keeps us in check.  I don't know what the future holds for either of my dancers.  What I do know is that any time i talk about maybe not doing dance anymore with Addi, she absolutely looses it.  You'd think I asked her to cut off her right arm.  Addison has made it very clear that she loves the girls, the teachers, and atmosphere and she will never quit.  When I see Hannah working in a professional field that she loves and making a living, I can see the value.   Will every dancer work professionally in dance? Probably not.   That die hard attitude and work ethic that has helped Hannah move on to working, college and being on her own is exactly what Addison is learning right now.  I guess you can say we are making an investment into their future.   If that future doesn't involve dance, you can rest assured that whatever it does involve they will have an amazing work ethic and discipline that will pull them through hard times and bring them to successful times.  
                  I don't know if I will ever stop questioning.  In fact I know that as long as I am part of a competitive world with any of my kids, the human in me will sometimes question if it is all worth it.  I guess what I need to remember is that as long as my kids are happy and love what they are doing and are learning important lessons for the future, it is worth it.  Some of you may have to talk me off a ledge periodically and I gladly welcome your help in this area.  I would love to hear from some of you on this topic so please let me know how you handle this inner conflict.
               Remember we are all in this together!!!!!!!!!

Let's try something different this time.........

Is the hand pushing her down or is it coming in to pick her up? What's your perspective?

            I think it would be interesting to get some feed back from other dance moms/dads on some questions.  I think that it is always nice to hear another perspective.  I was chatting with another dance mom and we had a great conversation about perspective.  One of the points I have been hoping to get across to everyone reading this blog is that life is all about perspective.  I am willing to bet that if you take a room full of people, have several different dances perform, different class workshops going on, and then ask people what they saw and what they thought about how things went, you will get many different perspectives.  Everyone may even agree that things went well or not so well, but when it comes to details, there would be all sorts of different opinions and thoughts.  We all know when we are at competitions that as moms we hang out at a restaurant and chat about what we just saw and generally there is someone who notices something that happened at whatever we were just watching that no one else noticed.  We all walk away with different emotions and different thoughts and whatever the thoughts and feelings may be they are yours.  Our perspective is just that, OUR perspective. There  are emotions that come with our perspective.  If we can remember that everyone has a different perspective and that their emotions come with it, we can learn from all of these perspectives by staying open minded and willing to listen.  I am going to post a few questions and I hope that I can get some feed back from all of you so that I can learn and grow.  This is not intended to be a forum to argue with one another but a place to share your opinion and thoughts and leave it at that.  Please do not post negative responses to others' comments.  If you don't agree, simply leave it alone.  If you want to say thank you to someone for their thoughts, feel free to leave a kind and simple response to their comment.  Thank you and I hope this goes well.  If anyone has a child in any other competitive arena feel free to apply these questions to your situations as well.

          I think you all have something valuable to say and even if you only answer one of the questions I want to hear what you have to say.  I love what everyone has to say about life and dance.

Here are the questions............

1.  If you had it to do all over again, would you?  And why or why not?  (I mean the whole competitive dance world)

2.  What was the most important thing you learned at the last competition?

3.  Do you think it is okay to give your dancer corrections or should that only be left to the teacher?

4.  To be competitive do you think that adding private lessons for ballet, technique, etc, is helpful in increasing your dancers' ability or is it just as okay to let your dancer grow at a natural pace?

5.  What is your funniest dance mom moment?

6.  Has your dancer ever said something to you that taught you a valuable lesson? (An aha moment) What was it he/she said?


I can't wait to read everyones answers!!!!!!!!! Remember we are all in this together.

I WISH I HAD LEARNED THIS SOONER 

            I apologize....... I haven't posted for a few days.  It has been a little crazy for me the past few days.  I know, it's always crazy.  Today's post may be talking about a touchy subject but one that I think is important.  I was discussing my blog with some family and the topic of how hard it must be for so many girls dancing together to navigate the bumpy road of hormones, emotions, different personalities, competitiveness, etc.....
             I started really thinking about this and what my girls and myself have experienced.  I do remember for Hannah there were times that were so hard we contemplated not coming back to dance.  We all know that girls can be hard to be friends with and add spending 20 plus hours a week together and there will be drama.  I imagine that it is especially difficult for the teachers and studio owners to handle somewhere between 200 and 300 different girls and their moms and all of the issues and emotions that arise on a daily basis.  You have to be patient, kind and understanding to handle all of that.  I think our studio directors do a great job of handling the drama.
             I want everyone to understand that I know my kids are not perfect and can sometimes do or say things that can be hurtful.   I also want everyone to know that because I know this, whenever they start crying or complaining about what someone has done to hurt them the first question out of my mouth is,
"what did you do to be hurtful?"  I don't want to sound like a heartless mom who is not understanding, but generally there is a bigger picture going on.  Sometimes however, it is very apparent that someone was just being mean and horrible simply to be mean and horrible.
             One time, when Hannah was about 10, she came out of ballet class only to find that someone had written I HATE YOU HANNAH in marker on her locker.  The girl who did this later ended up being kind and sweet to Hannah as she got older.  At the time it happened though, we were both so hurt.  Why would anyone want to do this to someone and how do you handle it.  Of course we talked to the studio owner and she immediately jumped in to handle the situation.  After the tears cleared from both of us, I had a long talk with Hannah.  This incident was one of many that had occurred over a period of a year.  I asked her if she wanted to change studios or quit dancing and my 10 year old little girl put me in my place.  She informed me that she was not going to let them win or make her quit.  She was there because she loved to dance and she wanted to stay.
              I was so proud of her and wondered where she got such a fighting spirit.  She had to be born with it for sure.  However it isn't enough to be born with it, you have to know how and when to use that fighting spirit.  All year long we had been handling challenges such as the one above.  Sometimes we would handle them well and sometimes not so well.  The one thing that remained constant was that we always had a lot of conversations about the best way to handle each situation.  I made it very clear that in no uncertain circumstances, no matter how hard, it is not okay for Hannah to retaliate or treat the girls being mean to her poorly or anyone else for that matter.  Just smile and walk away and when you come home you can cry all you want and talk about it with me.   This is not an easy task for people who are emotional like us.
             What I have realized through all of this is that sometimes you will get your feelings hurt and sometimes you will do the hurting.  When you have that many competitive girls in one place, spending that much time together, there will be issues.  I think that responsible communication is important.  Talk to your girls about how important it is to treat others with kindness even if they are feeling jealous, hormonal, tired, whatever the reason may be.  Remember that our children repeat and copy our attitudes and comments.  What they are saying to others they are most likely hearing at home.  Some of these comments may include "I can't believe she won a scholarship over you!" or "She only won because she is the favorite!" I know these have been said because I was guilty of this a long time ago and I have overheard parents say very similar comments
.  These kinds of comments only create more animosity and jealousy.  Remember that girls are best friends one minute and enemies the next.  They are like sisters.  Many times, given a few days, lots of prayers and a forgiving spirit things will blow over and what seemed like a big deal generally goes away.  I wish I had figured this out a long time ago but unfortunately I am a slow learner.
             Sometimes this is not the case and there is definite bullying happening.  In this case it is time to bring in help.  I have had this situation happen with both girls.  I do not want to discount the importance of anti-bullying but I will cover that in another post.
              I am completely guilty of overreacting to hurtful situations.  I am also guilty of not acting enough when my kids really needed it.  We are their biggest advocates and someone has to stand up for them.  I have found that taking a step back, finding out what really happened, talking it through with your kids, praying about what to do usually helps to resolve the situation.  I always ask this question when my kids are done telling me what happened and why they are so upset, "so if I were to ask 'so and so' what happened would I get the same story you just told me?" Sometimes they say yes, and sometimes they back peddle and think more carefully about what really happened in said offense.  I have had to get after them to apologize many times.
             The bottom line is that every one of these dancers will have their moments.  I will admit sometimes I want to go up to some of them and say, "what is your problem?" My own kids included.  If we can remember to watch what we as parents say in front of our kids and remind them to be understanding of others maybe we can navigate these rough waters a little better.  I am trying harder to do this.  If someone is being unkind, let them know,  that hurts when you treat me that way.  And if that doesn't work, walk away and give them time to think about it.  I have had my share of couch time in the studio directors' offices with tears in my eyes and asking what I should do. I call these 'dance mom moments'.  I am grateful for directors who take the time to listen even though they have more pressing issues to deal with. I am grateful for friends who listen and offer advice and sometimes snap me out of an emotional state and remind me that I may be overreacting.  Just take time to stop, think and maybe talk it out with someone, before you react.  Validate your daughters' feelings by letting her know you are so sorry that she is hurt but don't go on the attack right away.  Get the whole story and get to the bottom line.  Sometimes you can just let it go.  Situations will arise that will annoy you and that is okay.  We are all human and have emotions.  The important thing is what you do with those feelings.  Don't let them control you and turn what should be a positive experience into a negative one.
               As dance moms and dancers we are put together on teams.  The dancers have to find a way to bond and dance as a team.  As moms we need to be examples of appropriate behavior.  The girls will become better dancers with amazing attitudes.  This will serve them well in life situations.
Remember, we are all in this together.

          In a previous post I mentioned that there have been a lot of emotional and hard experiences that Hannah and I have learned from.  I thought I would share one of those experiences in today's post.  I have been especially thoughtful today of life and love and kindness.  This experience encompasses all three of the afore mentioned topics.

          When Hannah was around 9 or 10 we went to a convention in Santa Clara, California with her team to compete a few numbers.  For those of you not familiar with conventions, not only do the dancers compete, they also have several classes for 2 to 3 days with about 4 or 5 different teachers and styles of dance.  They generally have ballet, jazz, contemporary, hip hop, sometimes tap and or jazz funk classes. One of these classes is spent learning a combination that they learn in under an hour and then audition it.  Sometimes they learn a jazz and ballet combo and audition them both.  At the end, the teachers/judges choose a few dancers in the class that they felt were outstanding and they can win scholarships to future conventions.  At this particular convention, as at many others until she turned 13,  Hannah was the only one out of her team to walk away without anything.  She was so devastated, frustrated and felt like the victim of some sort of conspiracy.  Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration but you get the point.

            What happened next was embarrassing as well as one of the biggest learning moments that I try to remember and apply to this day.  It was embarrassing because I didn't handle it properly and it was a learning experience because I had to make it one in order to not come out of this looking like a horrible "dance mom."  When they announced the winners of scholarships it was at the end of the last day of the convention.  We were to board the busses back to the airport and catch our flight home immediately after.  So of course all of the other girls received some award or scholarship of some kind and Hannah received nothing.  She tried really hard to hold back the tears.  The excitement of the weekend, the girls all hugging and taking pictures, everyone congratulating them just became more than she or I could handle.  I saw the tears start streaming down her cheeks and I lost it.  Here we were, what a sight, mom and daughter bawling.  We got on the bus bawling.  Then it happened.  I hadn't even taken a moment to realize that at this point everyone was staring at us.  Teachers and dancers.  No one was rejoicing, no one excited.  

              Without realizing, Hannah and I had completely ruined the other dancers' moment.  We had stolen that happy time away from them.  By both of us being sad, it made things awkward and hard for them to genuinely enjoy their moment.  They felt like they had to tone it down so as not to make Hannah feel even worse.  It was at that moment I realized that we could have done this whole thing completely different and had a more positive outcome.  

               I think what should have happened was this.  As soon as I saw Hannah get upset, which I think would be a normal reaction for any one who was the only one that didn't receive anything let alone a 10 year old girl, I should have pulled her aside.  Once away from the situation, gently explain that while she has every right to feel frustrated and sad, that she needs to hold it together and congratulate her friends.  Be happy for them because one day you will have your moment to shine and you will want them to be happy for you.  Do not ruin this moment for them and put jealousy aside.  

              This is a concept that from that point on I tried to instill into my kids and myself.  It is not easy and sometimes I still get indignant on their behalf.  However, I try to be an example of that, warn my kids ahead of time that if I see any behavior other than gratitude and kindness that they will immediately be pulled from dance or whatever activity they are involved in.  I will admit that I still get jealous at times and I may even complain out loud to someone.  It is always followed quickly after with remorse and generally an apology to the person I was complaining to.  

                I know that we all have moments like this wether it is at dance, sports, school, or any other competitive situation.  It is easy to look at others and be jealous of the talents, material things, or family that they have.  I am definitely guilty.  I then go back to that day in Santa Clara and remind myself that I wouldn't ever want to ruin someone's moment because one day I will have a moment and I would want them to be happy for me. 

              Life is too hard to be unkind.  Let's lift one another, cheer each other on, and be an example of true happiness for others.  Remember, we are all in this together.

Have a great day!!!

Today's post is going to be a little lighter.  After spending the weekend at Jump Dance Convention with Addi and some of her teammates and their moms, I thought I would share some of the funny or strange comments I heard while standing around.  Okay, some of them may have come out of my mouth as well.  I got to thinking that if someone were to hear these comments out of the context of a dance competition,  they may think we are slightly weird or maybe even a little crazy. So over the weekend I compiled a top ten list.  I hope you can see the humor and silliness as I do.

Top Ten Comments You Would Only Hear At A Dance Competition:

1. "Where's the but glue? Can I borrow it?"
2. "Does this give me camel toe?"
3. "Do you have your eyes on?"
4. "No underwear on stage!"
5. "Yesterday you were giving me Wonder Bread, light and no flavor!"
6. "Yes you still have to dance if you are throwing up!"
7. "Get your pants off!" which was followed shortly after with, "you can't go out there without your pants!"
8. "You can't cry right now or your makeup will come off!"
9. "You need to bend over more"
10. "Put your leg down!" (in reference to every dancer that was with me putting her leg up on every handrail we stand next to treating it like a ballet bar to stretch on.  Or one of them doing a tilt while standing in line for food somewhere)

It is always fun to spend a weekend with these girls and moms. We laugh, we cry, we share stories and problems.  Sometimes there is drama and sometimes there are hurt feelings.  Sometimes there is a great sense of teamwork and togetherness.  In the end we are all in this together and it is always a learning experience to grow from.

One of the lessons I learned this weekend is that sometimes you think people understand you and all that you are going through and sometimes they have no idea.  Sometimes other's perspective, although hard to hear, can be helpful in understanding how handle or deal with situations.  Take the time to ask people about themselves.  Open up to others.  There are valuable lessons to be learned.  Things aren't always what they seem.

Have a great day!!!!

Let me start today's post by making it clear that I do not pretend to know all there is to know about dance and being a dance mom.  I am the first to admit that I am not perfect, I make a lot of mistakes, and I probably get too emotional.  I have been told I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  I think that can be a blessing and a curse.  I do know, however, that all of the mistakes, emotions and drama that seem to be part of being a dance mom are what have given me learning experiences that I want to share.  I may not be right and what I have learned may not be what others would have learned.  That being said, as promised from yesterdays post, I am going to post a little bit about Hannah's journey.

Like I mentioned before, we started down this road of dance to help Hannah develop learning skills and confidence.  She had her first recital at 3 years old to Animal Crackers.  She didn't even do the dance.  She stood at the edge of the stage and watched the other girls dance and looked at them with disgust.  We just laughed and laughed and the evening was complete when on the way home in the car she finally started doing the dance.  She danced the whole way home and to her room until she crashed from exhaustion.  Better late than never, I guess. At that point, I never imagined that we would have journeyed down the road we did. 

Honestly, we never expected to be involved or compete at the level we have.  Hannah ended up climbing the ladder pretty quick and was on the advanced competition team by 9.  At this point, I started thinking that  maybe Hannah could really do something with dance.  It is amazing how quickly my frame of mind went from recreation to competition.  I thought we had really arrived.  If Hannah is on company then she must be amazing.  Well, we had our first year at NYCDA nationals in New York, and it was a real eye opener. Not only did I realize we had a lot to learn, Hannah really started having growth spurts and dancing became increasingly difficult for her.  Her arms and legs were so long, and while beautiful, were hard for her to control.  As one of the youngest on the team and the tallest, she not only didn't have the maturity in movement some of the others had, but she had these long limbs to control.  At one point, I was crying for her and asked the studio director if she was sure Hannah was on the right team.

What seemed like overnight, my mindset went from "Dance is a great activity for Hannah" to "Why isn't she as good as all of these other girls?" I am somewhat ashamed that I wasn't able to keep a more positive attitude at this moment.  What I am not ashamed of is that I only want the best for my kids, as we all do, and when you see them struggle you feel bad for them.  As parents, we don't always see what's going on around us or our kids; we only see what isn't going our way.

I will never forget what the studio director told me when I questioned Hannah's ability for dance and team placement.  In so many words, she said that Hannah needs to decide why she is doing this.  Is she doing this to be the best or is she doing this because she truly enjoys it?   She also said that we needed to be patient because it would take a few years, but as soon as Hannah learns to control her limbs she would be a beautiful dancer.  Well, if any of you have seen a 6'1" dancer that has control of her body and confidence like Hannah now does, it is truly an amazing sight!
 
I am embarrassed to admit we still had a lot of tears along the way.  In my next post, I will share some tears and heartache.  I am trying to remember what I learned through these situations to help my youngest daughter, Addison, through the dance process. Ridiculously enough, it is often hard to remember when you are in the moment.  I think I have done a little better the second time around, but I still make mistakes and have what I like to call "dance mom moments."

What I have learned to do better is recognize the potential and ability that Addison has now and look forward to seeing her improve through the years ahead at her own pace.

I am grateful for the wisdom, patience and love of the teachers and studio directors that helped Hannah realize her potential and ability.  She had so many teachers encourage her to embrace her height and make it work for her instead of against her. One of these teachers, Joey Dowling, gave Hannah some amazing advice when she moved to Los Angeles to start auditioning. She said that most people are not going to think of hiring a tall dancer like her, so it was her job to walk into every audition and change their minds by dancing so amazing that they just have to have her.  By applying this advice, she's already landed several dancing jobs, including a 16-week tour as the lead dancer in the Nuclear Cowboyz and the promo for the Oscars.

We never could have imagined this all happening when she first stood off stage during her first recital at 3 years olds, nor the challenges she - and this "dance mom" - would experience as she grew over the years. But we both learned so much from it, and I hope to help other dance moms as they experience many of those same challenges.

Feel free to share what you've learned as a parent of a competition dancer.  We're all in this together, aren't we?

After a lot of thinking and discussions with my sister and husband, I decided that I would start a blog about my experiences as a dance mom.  I am fully aware that we have all been inundated with reality shows about dance and so called "reality".  I have raised one daughter and dancer that recently graduated and have another daughter and dancer that is currently going through the process and consequently I have learned a lot through past experiences and what I am experiencing now.  What I hope to accomplish from this blog is to help others learn, laugh, cry, or just have someone to laugh at (me).  Along with sharing my experiences I will try to find things to share that can make dance more fun, or items that can help with competition time, or sales on costumes, bags, shoes, etc......

 In this first post I just want to help you get to know me and my family.  My husband and I have been married 23 years.  We have 3 kids, Hannah, 19, Chandler, 17, Addison, 11.  Hannah started dancing at the age of 3.  The only reason she started dancing was because she had problems with her ears starting around 9 months.  She had to have tubes put in her ears 3 times and had so much gunk in there it was as if she was hearing everything under water.  She missed out on developing certain sounds while speaking and listening.  The doctor suggested enrolling her in activities that would require focus and concentration that would help her learn to develop these things she missed out on.  To this day she has some permanent hearing loss.  Anyway, after trying several different sports and dance, dance is what she took to the most.  She started dancing at The Dance Club in Orem Utah at 6 and danced there until she graduated.  In my next post I will talk about what happened on Hannah's journey.  For now, she is living in Los Angeles, attending FIDM for fashion design and currently working as a dancer.  She loves school and loves going on castings for dance and modeling.  My son Chandler is a senior in High School and is trying to decide what to do.  He has always had a love of music, and plays the guitar, saxophone, clarinet, base guitar, and upright base.  He played sports until 9th grade and much to my husbands dismay he decided to go full force with music.  My husband fully supports his music and loves watching him play in all the bands and sing in acapella.   He just loves sports too and got stuck with two dancers and a musician.  Oh well.  Chandler will be attending UVU in the fall and working towards serving an LDS mission.  Did I mention that he has been diabetic since he was a year old?  That may slow down the mission process but we are working on that.  Addison is my youngest and will attend Junior High in the fall.  She is on Junior company at The Dance Club and loves it.  She struggles with ADHD and so dance is a great resource in helping her build focusing skills, relationships, and maturity.  I know that ADHD is over diagnosed these days, however, in this case we actually fought it for years because I was determined to find a way to parent her that worked.  I thought I was a failure for not being able to help her without medication.  The parenting techniques that worked with my other two were not working for her.  There was a lot of tension, anger, sadness and frustration.  I finally took her to a specialist at the urging of teachers, family and friends and although medication has helped it is not the fix it all drug. I still have to parent, council, guide, love, and everyday is a game of what do I need to give her today to help her.  I love my Addison and she is a joy as are my other two children, I just have to do things a little differently with Addison and that is okay.  I only mention all of this because in future posts this will be an important fact in how or why I decide to do certain things.  My husband Steve has worked in special effects since he graduated college and is still working in that field in several different capacities.  

Anyway I hope that anyone reading my posts will be able to enjoy our journey through the dance world and how it has affected or been a large part of our family.  I will try to post daily if I can.  I have so much to share and it is all I can do to contain my excitement and not dump everything out in one post. For now I will post a picture of my family and start thinking about tomorrows post.