Auditions!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! It is that time of year and dance studios have and are holding auditions for class placement.  It is usually a very tense time of year for most.  Any dance moms/dads out there will understand what it is like.  In the weeks leading up to auditions there is an obvious whisper throughout the studio of  speculation, discussions of who should make what team, concern over your own dancer and opinions from other moms.  There is even a sense of teachers becoming a little more isolated from the parents perhaps for the pure purpose of not having to answer probing questions of "what team do you think my dancer will make?" or "how do you think my dancer is doing?"  I do have to say that this year was one of few that I wasn't concerned which team my daughter Addison would end up on.  I knew she would stay on the team she was on already.  Of course I still wanted her to do well during the audition and to score high.  I think it is always important to make a good impression even if it isn't going to change your placement.  Job security!!!! Ha ha!!!  I have no idea how she did because we are not allowed to watch the auditions.  I can only hope it went well.
                       After the dust settles and the team placements are complete and we receive that all important email that tells us what team our dancer is on,  the emotions begin.  There is always some who are disappointed and then the rest are super excited.  I have been on both sides of the emotional chart.  I do have to say however that even though sometimes I have been either disappointed, or concerned or happy, I have learned to trust that the studio directors and teachers know what's best.  I haven't always agreed and yet things seem to work out.   As parents we have a certain view of our dancers and how well we think they are doing.  What I have learned is that we are not the ones in the room with the teacher when our dancer is in there and so we don't always recognize some of the technique our dancer is lacking.  Sometimes moving a dancer up before they are ready can be a disadvantage in that it will only damage their self esteem.  We all think our own dancers deserve more attention or to be on the best team and as much as we want that to be true, it isn't most of the time.  The truth of the matter is that there is a studio full of talented kids and there is always someone better than the next.  Keeping a perspective on this can help your dancer grow on whatever team she is placed on.
                        I remember when Hannah was placed on senior company, the most advanced competitive team at our studio, at the age of 14.  Generally dancers on this team are 16-18.  Hannah had the advantage and disadvantage of height and being a head taller than all the girls that were on her previous team and taller than all the girls on seniors.   Some of the comments made to me by other parents and dancers ranged anywhere from "they are only putting her on that team because of her height," or "she is going to have to earn that spot," or  "she is not ready for seniors."  You can imagine that these comments can be hurtful to a parent as well as damaging to the dancer.  I don't think they were trying to be mean, they were just expressing their opinions, however, it was still hurtful and made us both concerned that maybe she isn't ready.  I remember speaking with the studio director and asking if she maybe didn't make a mistake putting Hannah on that team.  She informed me that height had some factoring in but that she wouldn't have placed her there if she didn't think she could handle it.  Hannah and I decided to put everyone else's opinions aside and that she was going to have to work twice as hard as everyone else on the team and prove herself.  Talk about stressful.  To our surprise, this year she had on seniors ended up being one of her best.  She technically and emotionally grew leaps and bounds that year.  All the older girls that were skeptical ended up being loving and kind and Hannah loves them all still.  Hannah spent that year watching and learning and showing respect for those older and better than her.  If they were dancing 100%, she danced 200%.  If she was put on the back row, which she was every time, she did it with a smile and danced big enough for everyone to see her in the back.  I knew at that point that I needed to trust the studio and learn that they do know what they are doing.
                          On the flip side, one year Addi wasn't placed on the next level team when the majority of her team moved up.  It was devastating and I was quite upset.  I couldn't understand what the problem was.  I finally talked to a few teachers and they pointed out to me that her focus and maturity were not at the level of the other girls and that she needed to work on that.  Sadly, I understood and began to accept the team placement and hope and pray that she would improve.  Well about 3 weeks later, much to my surprise,  they ended up moving her up anyway.  What a surprise! Downfall....... we were once again in the position of having to prove ourselves.  This was a bit harder for Addi to do at 7 than it was for Hannah at 14 and understandably so.  Addi had other issues that stood in the way.  This is the year we had her diagnosed with ADHD.  I fought it for so long because I didn't want her labeled and it was one more thing to deal with.  I wish I had taken her in sooner because once we got help for her, her self esteem started improving as well as her focus.
                         I am slightly ashamed to say that I am one of those dance moms that puts her dancers in private ballet and extra classes beyond their regularly scheduled classes.  Why you ask?  Well I just have seen the benefit it adds to their training.  It is like when your dancer does a solo.  That one on one time is invaluable and they learn so much with that personal time they get.  Addi definitely needs that one on one time to practice focusing.  I have seen her improve and mature exponentially because of the privates.  The dance mom in me thinks that if I am paying the amount I pay, and Addi is putting in the time she is putting in, then I want her to be able to be her absolute best.  Not better than everyone, just HER best.  Some may say I am crazy, I think of it as opportunity.  Whatever your thought or opinion, do what is best for your dancer.
                         I know how hard it is to have your child disappointed because they didn't make the team they want or get an audition they so desperately wanted to get.  I know that I am probably more disappointed for them than they are for themselves.  I also know that it just plain stinks to not get something you have worked hard to get.  I don't know what advice to offer other than, validate and commiserate with your dancer that this just plain stinks, let her have her moment of sadness, tell her how proud you are of her and then talk about what you can do to reach her goal next time.  Setting a plan in place always makes me feel better because it puts me in the mode of being proactive and not self pitying.  I am not always good at this in other areas of my life, but I am trying.  This is one of those moments when teaching your dancer to be happy for her teammates even though she is sad can be practiced.  What a challenge?!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
                       I wish everyone the best and remember, we are all in this together.

Please enjoy the attached video of The Dance Club company doing a production number choreographed by Joey Dowling and National Critics Choice winner.  It is an older video but the only one I could get downloaded.  You have to right click on it and select play in youtube.

After the pillow concert at Timpview

So I know that this is a blog about dance and being a dance mom, however, I really want to post about Chandler's Jazz band Pillow Concert at Timpview.  I think that there are a lot of similarities to having a child involved in music or sports or other activities that include competition, practice, other parents, and teachers.  Chandler had to audition for a lot of the pieces he played in throughout his high school career.  He had to audition for marching band, fall band, jazz band, pep band, a cappella choir, and symphonic band.  In some cases he had to audition to play in specific pieces.  Sometimes he would get into the piece he wanted and sometimes he wouldn't.  Chandler has learned a lot of the same lessons from music that my girls have from dance.  He has had to learn to work with different personalities, learn many different instruments, work with different teachers, practice practice practice, and compete at different events.  There were just as many ups and downs with his music as there were with my girls and their dancing.  That being said I learned a little something myself the other night.

                    I have to say the biggest surprise to me at the Pillow Concert was just how much Chandler has grown musically over the years.  I knew he was talented and could play several different instruments that he pretty much taught himself to play.  I would hear occasional practicing up in his room, usually late at night when we are all trying to sleep, but I would rarely get to hear everything he practices all put together.  When I would ask him to play me songs he would just grumble at me like "really mom?"  It brought tears to my eyes to see him show everything he has learned and how mature his playing has become.  I remember the squeaky clarinet he played in elementary, the choppy guitar plucking during his lessons, and how nervous he would get before playing.  At the concert a mature young man performed with confidence, professionalism, and pure enjoyment with every song.  Now he still has a lot of growing up to do but I saw the progress and I could see a little of what's to come in the future and I am loving it. So I just had to brag a little bit in his behalf because I am truly proud of him and all he has accomplished.  As a mom I wonder if what I am teaching my kids is getting through and if they will ever be able to take care of themselves.  Sometimes they do things that make me think I have really messed this all up and then moments like this concert happen and I see a glimpse of the child becoming an adult.  I saw him take control of situations, perform without problems, and relate to others around him a way that would make any mother proud.   

                       I have attached 3 of the videos below.  Please take a minute to watch because I promise you will enjoy.  You can click on the links below and it should bring up an option to play in youtube.

                       I would like to take a moment to pay credit to the amazing teachers he has had, Dr. Fullmer, Mr. Herald and Brady Bills, and Mr. Larsen.  Chandler was also surrounded by many other amazingly talented students and friends that motivated him to improve and be the best he could be.  Thank you to all who helped him along the way and to his awesome friends that motivated him through their talents and friendships.

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         This has been a week of reflection.   Anytime we lose a loved one from this life it is natural to start thinking about our own lives and how we are doing.  With the passing of Lisa Stoddard I really started thinking about the kind of person I am.  I have said this numerous times and I will say it again, Lisa was the kind of teacher and person that made everyone she came into contact with feel like they were her favorite.  As a dance teacher she taught my girls confidence, love, mad improving skills, and how to enjoy the art of dance.   After attending her viewing, funeral, and The Dance Club spring concert over the last 4 days I took some time to reflect on everything I observed.  The first thing I noticed was her family and their incredible strength.   All four of her children stood strong during every event.  While tears had been apparent on their faces,

Rachel, Crystal, Hannah, Kayla, Alexia after Lisa's viewing

they wore smiles.  They could smile because they knew they had an amazing mother that loved them and raised them well.  They could smile because they have an awesome dad that is standing strong and loves them.  Most importantly they could smile because they know that someday they will be reunited with their dear mother and wife.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) we believe that Jesus Christ died for us so that we can be able to return to live with our Heavenly Father as eternal families.  He suffered for all of our sins so we could have the Atonement.  The Atonement allows us to repent for our mistakes and live and work as families on this earth so we can be eternal families in the hereafter.  What a comfort that is to know we will be with our loved ones for eternity.  The knowledge of this doctrine is what can help families to love, support and never give up on one another.

Dancers from The Dance Club at Lisa's funeral

I know to some dance may not seem that important or that it shouldn't have the attention it receives.  However, when I looked around the chapel at the funeral, the entire place was full wall to wall and standing room only.  Lisa had an opportunity through dance, to positively affect the lives of all these people. People she taught at BYU, The Dance Club, UVU, ALA and any other places I am unaware of came to pay tribute to Lisa.   We were able to honor Lisa through dance with an improv number at The Dance Club spring concert on Tuesday, May 6th 2014.  Current senior company girls and past senior company girls performed an improv number with Lisa's oldest daughter TaeLor that tugged at the heart strings of everyone in attendance.  What an awesome tribute to a lady so deserving.

Hannah and Addi after the concert

            I think about everyone that my girls have been blessed to be around because of dance.  I think about the experiences they have had because of dance.  I think about what they have learned because of dance.  If I had it to do all over again I would.  It isn't always easy and there are definitely challenges but when I stop to reflect about everything, I think it must be worth it.  This is such a great analogy for our lives.  I have eluded before in other posts that this has been an extremely challenging year for me and my family.  We are definitely being tested right now.  I don't know that I am handling things all that well but what I do know is that I have had the love and support of family and friends.  I know that when I am faced with reflecting on a loved one like Lisa and her family I stop to take inventory of my life and behavior and try to learn from others how to be strong.  I have what my mother always calls, either "brave days" or "non-brave days".  I seem to be having more "non-brave days" than "brave" ones.  I am still working on changing my attitude about my challenges right now and this is where the analogy comes in.
            These dancers are constantly going to class and rehearsal where they learn how to be better dancers.  They are tested with technique, new dances, competitions, relationships, different teaching styles, different styles of dance and a laundry list of many other challenges.  Sometimes their skills improve and things seem to be going well.  Other times they hit a plateau and things don't seem to come so easy to them.  Sometimes they win competitions and many times they don't.  Sometimes they seem to be loving everything they are learning and other

Addi and Carly after the concert

times they struggle and don't like it as much.  In our lives we are faced with learning about relationships, education, work, jobs, charity, survival, family, etc..... Sometimes we will be tested and fail and other times we will be successful in our challenges.  The dancers keep going because they know in the end it is all worth it.  They know that beyond all the challenges they are learning something and it will have a profound influence in their lives forever.  In our lives we have to remember it is all worth it because in the end, if we endure with faith,  we have a beautiful reward waiting for us.  We can have eternal families.
           I haven't been doing so great with the faith part of handling my challenges.  In my entire life I don't ever remember struggling with faith like I am now.  I do however know that I am not giving up and I will always jump back into the dance studio of life and keep trying to improve.
Remember we are all in this together.