Have you ever??????

             Have you ever questioned all that we do and sacrifice as parents for our dancers?  Do you ever start to feel insecure about all of the cost, time, sacrifice of time from other family members, etc... Sometimes I feel like this is the best thing for my daughters and then sometimes I feel like, "what the heck am I doing all this for?"  I actually have been feeling extra insecure lately for different reasons that are too personal for me to share at this time.  I shared with another dance mom the inner conflict that I have from day to day and told her I feel like I must be crazy.  She shared that she has felt the same way at times.  Not only did I secretly enjoy that someone else felt the way I did, I started thinking all day today that there must be more moms that feel this way at one time or another.
                I know that there are so many valuable lessons that these dancers learn and that the journey should only be about your dancer and her individual progress and growth.   The only problem is that I am not perfect.   I realized that every time I start feeling insecure about my dancer's progress and wether or not all the money, time and sacrifice is worth it, it is because I start comparing her to other dancers.  I hate to admit that I do this because it sounds so wrong.  Playing the comparison game is dangerous.  I have learned first hand that it is only damaging and hurtful if we are not careful.  I also hate admitting that I have had to learn this the hard way.
               Since I have been going over all of these thoughts and feelings in my head  I want to share what we did this last weekend because I think it is important to this topic.  As a lot of you know, my oldest daughter/dancer Hannah is the lead dancer/character of a  motorcycle stunt show.  I know it sounds different and it is just that.  Although this ended up being more acting than dancing, much to Hannah's dismay, it has been an amazing learning experience for her.  Anyway, she had a performance in San Jose this last weekend.  We decided we were going to make the extremely long 13 1/2 hour drive there on a Friday, spend the day with Hannah on Saturday, watch the show Saturday night only to turn around on Sunday morning to come home and endure that painfully long drive again.  My brother and his family came from southern California as well.  Is it worth it?  When we walked into the backstage/vip area for the meet and greet that the riders, dancers, acrobats, and Shoalin warriors do for people attending the show, her face lit up.  We stood back and watched people walk up to her and almost get tongue tied to ask to take a photo with her, or tell her how beautiful she is or how much they love the show.  With every person that approached her, she looked over to see if we were watching.  Her face lit up every time and I could see the excitement exuding from her and my pride could not have been more obvious than a .  My 19 year old daughter has traveled for 12 weekends with this show and has 3 more to go and she is doing amazing.  So let me ask again, is it worth it? YES!!!!!!!!! It was worth the 26 plus hour drive and money it took to get there just to spend one day with Hannah and see the smile on her face and watch her perform.

                 I think it is normal to feel insecure and question what we are doing.  I think it keeps us in check.  I don't know what the future holds for either of my dancers.  What I do know is that any time i talk about maybe not doing dance anymore with Addi, she absolutely looses it.  You'd think I asked her to cut off her right arm.  Addison has made it very clear that she loves the girls, the teachers, and atmosphere and she will never quit.  When I see Hannah working in a professional field that she loves and making a living, I can see the value.   Will every dancer work professionally in dance? Probably not.   That die hard attitude and work ethic that has helped Hannah move on to working, college and being on her own is exactly what Addison is learning right now.  I guess you can say we are making an investment into their future.   If that future doesn't involve dance, you can rest assured that whatever it does involve they will have an amazing work ethic and discipline that will pull them through hard times and bring them to successful times.  
                  I don't know if I will ever stop questioning.  In fact I know that as long as I am part of a competitive world with any of my kids, the human in me will sometimes question if it is all worth it.  I guess what I need to remember is that as long as my kids are happy and love what they are doing and are learning important lessons for the future, it is worth it.  Some of you may have to talk me off a ledge periodically and I gladly welcome your help in this area.  I would love to hear from some of you on this topic so please let me know how you handle this inner conflict.
               Remember we are all in this together!!!!!!!!!