In a previous post I mentioned that there have been a lot of emotional and hard experiences that Hannah and I have learned from.  I thought I would share one of those experiences in today's post.  I have been especially thoughtful today of life and love and kindness.  This experience encompasses all three of the afore mentioned topics.

          When Hannah was around 9 or 10 we went to a convention in Santa Clara, California with her team to compete a few numbers.  For those of you not familiar with conventions, not only do the dancers compete, they also have several classes for 2 to 3 days with about 4 or 5 different teachers and styles of dance.  They generally have ballet, jazz, contemporary, hip hop, sometimes tap and or jazz funk classes. One of these classes is spent learning a combination that they learn in under an hour and then audition it.  Sometimes they learn a jazz and ballet combo and audition them both.  At the end, the teachers/judges choose a few dancers in the class that they felt were outstanding and they can win scholarships to future conventions.  At this particular convention, as at many others until she turned 13,  Hannah was the only one out of her team to walk away without anything.  She was so devastated, frustrated and felt like the victim of some sort of conspiracy.  Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration but you get the point.

            What happened next was embarrassing as well as one of the biggest learning moments that I try to remember and apply to this day.  It was embarrassing because I didn't handle it properly and it was a learning experience because I had to make it one in order to not come out of this looking like a horrible "dance mom."  When they announced the winners of scholarships it was at the end of the last day of the convention.  We were to board the busses back to the airport and catch our flight home immediately after.  So of course all of the other girls received some award or scholarship of some kind and Hannah received nothing.  She tried really hard to hold back the tears.  The excitement of the weekend, the girls all hugging and taking pictures, everyone congratulating them just became more than she or I could handle.  I saw the tears start streaming down her cheeks and I lost it.  Here we were, what a sight, mom and daughter bawling.  We got on the bus bawling.  Then it happened.  I hadn't even taken a moment to realize that at this point everyone was staring at us.  Teachers and dancers.  No one was rejoicing, no one excited.  

              Without realizing, Hannah and I had completely ruined the other dancers' moment.  We had stolen that happy time away from them.  By both of us being sad, it made things awkward and hard for them to genuinely enjoy their moment.  They felt like they had to tone it down so as not to make Hannah feel even worse.  It was at that moment I realized that we could have done this whole thing completely different and had a more positive outcome.  

               I think what should have happened was this.  As soon as I saw Hannah get upset, which I think would be a normal reaction for any one who was the only one that didn't receive anything let alone a 10 year old girl, I should have pulled her aside.  Once away from the situation, gently explain that while she has every right to feel frustrated and sad, that she needs to hold it together and congratulate her friends.  Be happy for them because one day you will have your moment to shine and you will want them to be happy for you.  Do not ruin this moment for them and put jealousy aside.  

              This is a concept that from that point on I tried to instill into my kids and myself.  It is not easy and sometimes I still get indignant on their behalf.  However, I try to be an example of that, warn my kids ahead of time that if I see any behavior other than gratitude and kindness that they will immediately be pulled from dance or whatever activity they are involved in.  I will admit that I still get jealous at times and I may even complain out loud to someone.  It is always followed quickly after with remorse and generally an apology to the person I was complaining to.  

                I know that we all have moments like this wether it is at dance, sports, school, or any other competitive situation.  It is easy to look at others and be jealous of the talents, material things, or family that they have.  I am definitely guilty.  I then go back to that day in Santa Clara and remind myself that I wouldn't ever want to ruin someone's moment because one day I will have a moment and I would want them to be happy for me. 

              Life is too hard to be unkind.  Let's lift one another, cheer each other on, and be an example of true happiness for others.  Remember, we are all in this together.

Have a great day!!!