Let me start today's post by making it clear that I do not pretend to know all there is to know about dance and being a dance mom.  I am the first to admit that I am not perfect, I make a lot of mistakes, and I probably get too emotional.  I have been told I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  I think that can be a blessing and a curse.  I do know, however, that all of the mistakes, emotions and drama that seem to be part of being a dance mom are what have given me learning experiences that I want to share.  I may not be right and what I have learned may not be what others would have learned.  That being said, as promised from yesterdays post, I am going to post a little bit about Hannah's journey.

Like I mentioned before, we started down this road of dance to help Hannah develop learning skills and confidence.  She had her first recital at 3 years old to Animal Crackers.  She didn't even do the dance.  She stood at the edge of the stage and watched the other girls dance and looked at them with disgust.  We just laughed and laughed and the evening was complete when on the way home in the car she finally started doing the dance.  She danced the whole way home and to her room until she crashed from exhaustion.  Better late than never, I guess. At that point, I never imagined that we would have journeyed down the road we did. 

Honestly, we never expected to be involved or compete at the level we have.  Hannah ended up climbing the ladder pretty quick and was on the advanced competition team by 9.  At this point, I started thinking that  maybe Hannah could really do something with dance.  It is amazing how quickly my frame of mind went from recreation to competition.  I thought we had really arrived.  If Hannah is on company then she must be amazing.  Well, we had our first year at NYCDA nationals in New York, and it was a real eye opener. Not only did I realize we had a lot to learn, Hannah really started having growth spurts and dancing became increasingly difficult for her.  Her arms and legs were so long, and while beautiful, were hard for her to control.  As one of the youngest on the team and the tallest, she not only didn't have the maturity in movement some of the others had, but she had these long limbs to control.  At one point, I was crying for her and asked the studio director if she was sure Hannah was on the right team.

What seemed like overnight, my mindset went from "Dance is a great activity for Hannah" to "Why isn't she as good as all of these other girls?" I am somewhat ashamed that I wasn't able to keep a more positive attitude at this moment.  What I am not ashamed of is that I only want the best for my kids, as we all do, and when you see them struggle you feel bad for them.  As parents, we don't always see what's going on around us or our kids; we only see what isn't going our way.

I will never forget what the studio director told me when I questioned Hannah's ability for dance and team placement.  In so many words, she said that Hannah needs to decide why she is doing this.  Is she doing this to be the best or is she doing this because she truly enjoys it?   She also said that we needed to be patient because it would take a few years, but as soon as Hannah learns to control her limbs she would be a beautiful dancer.  Well, if any of you have seen a 6'1" dancer that has control of her body and confidence like Hannah now does, it is truly an amazing sight!
 
I am embarrassed to admit we still had a lot of tears along the way.  In my next post, I will share some tears and heartache.  I am trying to remember what I learned through these situations to help my youngest daughter, Addison, through the dance process. Ridiculously enough, it is often hard to remember when you are in the moment.  I think I have done a little better the second time around, but I still make mistakes and have what I like to call "dance mom moments."

What I have learned to do better is recognize the potential and ability that Addison has now and look forward to seeing her improve through the years ahead at her own pace.

I am grateful for the wisdom, patience and love of the teachers and studio directors that helped Hannah realize her potential and ability.  She had so many teachers encourage her to embrace her height and make it work for her instead of against her. One of these teachers, Joey Dowling, gave Hannah some amazing advice when she moved to Los Angeles to start auditioning. She said that most people are not going to think of hiring a tall dancer like her, so it was her job to walk into every audition and change their minds by dancing so amazing that they just have to have her.  By applying this advice, she's already landed several dancing jobs, including a 16-week tour as the lead dancer in the Nuclear Cowboyz and the promo for the Oscars.

We never could have imagined this all happening when she first stood off stage during her first recital at 3 years olds, nor the challenges she - and this "dance mom" - would experience as she grew over the years. But we both learned so much from it, and I hope to help other dance moms as they experience many of those same challenges.

Feel free to share what you've learned as a parent of a competition dancer.  We're all in this together, aren't we?